Relationships can be deeply affected by the experience of living abroad.

 

For some couples, moving to another country is an exciting shared project. For others, relocation can expose differences that were previously less visible. When a couple is also navigating different languages, cultural backgrounds or ideas about family and relationships, misunderstandings can become particularly difficult to resolve.

 

Couples counselling can provide a space to understand these differences, move out of repetitive patterns of conflict and reconnect with each other.

When living between cultures affects your relationship

 

You may be seeking couples counselling because:

• you and your partner are struggling to communicate;

• you repeatedly have the same arguments without finding a resolution;

• one partner feels more at home in the new country than the other;

• one of you wants to stay while the other wants to move;

• you have different expectations about family, independence, gender roles or relationships;

• you come from different cultural or religious backgrounds;

• you have different ways of expressing emotions or dealing with conflict;

• you feel that cultural differences are becoming a source of tension;

• you are struggling with loneliness or the loss of your previous support network;

• you are navigating a major transition such as relocation, marriage, parenthood or separation.

 

Sometimes what appears to be a communication problem is connected to something deeper: two different ways of understanding what a relationship should look like.

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When two cultures meet within a relationship

In an international relationship, partners may bring different assumptions about communication, intimacy, family, money, independence, hospitality, work, and parenting.

Neither person necessarily experiences their own way of doing things as a "cultural preference". It may simply feel like the obvious or natural way.

This can create painful misunderstandings.

One partner may experience the other as distant, while the other experiences themselves as respectful. One may experience direct communication as honest and caring, while the other experiences it as aggressive. One may expect frequent contact with extended family, while the other values greater independence.

The aim of couples counselling is not to decide which cultural approach is right.

Instead, we can work towards understanding what each partner means, needs and experiences underneath these differences, and develop ways of relating that work for the couple you are creating together.

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The particular challenges of being an international couple

International couples can also face questions that go beyond the relationship itself.

Where will we live?

Which country will become home?

How often will we see our families?

Which language will we speak with each other?

How will we raise our children?

Which cultural traditions will we keep?

What happens when one partner feels that they are constantly adapting while the other feels that they have already given up too much?

These questions can become especially important when partners are living far away from their families and friends.

You may have loved ones spread across different countries, travel frequently to maintain relationships, or feel that important family events are always happening somewhere else. While this can be enriching, it can also create emotional and practical pressures for a couple.

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Different communication styles

Culture can influence how we communicate, but individual history matters just as much.

You may have grown up in different countries, different family systems, or with very different expectations about expressing emotions and resolving disagreements.

The way you communicate at work or with the wider community may also differ from the way your partner communicates.

In therapy, we can slow these interactions down and look at what happens between you: what each person hears, what each person needs, and how a disagreement can quickly become a familiar pattern.

The goal is not simply to communicate more, but to understand each other more accurately and feel understood.

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When one partner is an expat and the other is not

Cultural differences can also emerge when one partner is an international resident and the other is from the country where the couple lives.

The expat partner may experience loneliness, homesickness or difficulty integrating, while the local partner may struggle to understand why adapting to the new environment is so difficult.

Sometimes one partner becomes the "translator" or cultural intermediary for the other. Over time, this can create an imbalance or additional pressure within the relationship.

Couples counselling can provide a space where both experiences can be heard.

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Building a shared life

Living between cultures does not necessarily mean choosing one culture over another.

Many couples gradually create their own shared way of living: combining traditions, languages, values and family practices to create something that belongs specifically to them.

Counselling can help you understand where your differences come from, decide which differences need to be negotiated and which can simply be accepted, and develop a stronger sense of yourselves as a couple.

I have personal experience of living abroad and of being part of a multicultural family, and I have worked with people from different cultural and linguistic backgrounds, including expats and immigrants.

This experience informs my approach, while each couple remains unique. I do not assume that a particular cultural background means that you will relate in a particular way. Instead, I am interested in understanding how your individual histories, cultures and experiences come together within your relationship.

 

Sessions take place in person in Milan (Isola or Centrale) or online.

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Fee: €95 per 1.10h session.

 

If you would like to explore whether couples counselling could be helpful for you, you are welcome to get in touch for an initial, no-obligation conversation or book your first session directly.